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September 22, 2012
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It was early morning when the monsters came: slaveholders of the southern lands, had come to capture her and her people.They tore her from her home while she was still asleep and threw her with others on the  cage-wagon.The sun was high in the sky for the second time since they had captured her,when  they came to the gates of the capital.All her people were put on display and sold like cattle, because the giants ate those of her race.A woman bought her and other ten.... and once at home the massacre began.They had been skinned alive one by one, left to agonize until everyone had suffered the same fate, then cut to pieces (she was the last one) and thrown in hot oil."Hooray, French fries!" - shouted the son of the giants who had just returned home, and the horrid feast began.
:iconforestofairies:
:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz:

il suo Destino

[Era mattina presto quando i mostri giunsero:schiavisti delle terre del sud,venuti a catturare lei e la sua gente.La strapparono dalla sua dimora mentre ancora dormiva e la caricarono con gli altri sul carro-gabbia.Il sole era ormai alto nel cielo per la seconda volta da quando l'avevano catturata,quando giunsero alle porte della capitale.
Tutta la sua gente fu messa in mostra e venduta come bestie,perché i giganti mangiavano quelli della sua razza. Una donna comproò lei ed altri dieci... ed una volta alla dimora il massacro cominciò.Furono scuioati vivi uno per uno,lasciati ad agonizzare finché tutti non ebbero subito la stessa sorte,poi fatti a pezzi (lei per ultima) e gettati nell'olio bollente."Evviva,Patatine fritte!"- urlò il figlio dei giganti appena rientrato a casa,e l'orrido banchetto ebbe inizio.]


I and Mr. Black Cat [link] have decided to found the Self-help Association to Detoxify from Potatoes Odd Dependence (S.A.D.- P.O.D)
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:iconnicohelen:
~NicoHelen 5 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
me biace me biace. mi ha turbata l'aggettivo "horrid"
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:iconforestofairies:
~ForestoFairies 5 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Oso dire che fosse necessario.
Ma non ha approfittato della versione italiana?
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:iconnicohelen:
~NicoHelen 5 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
..l'ho riletta adesso in italiano. good
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:iconforestofairies:
~ForestoFairies 5 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
infondo, come una vecchia pubblicità diceva 'two is megl' che one'
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:iconnicohelen:
~NicoHelen 5 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
massì.. che ironia del caso lo ho appena finito di mangiare D:
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:iconforestofairies:
~ForestoFairies 5 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
non lo nomini ovviamente, altrimenti è pubblicità occulta... e nella mia pagina di 'occulta' manca solo quella.
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:iconnicohelen:
~NicoHelen 5 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
ovviamente. e menomale, che non ci sia
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:iconthe-madder:
~The-Madder Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Macabre turned satire. Clever.

Perhaps it's your style, but I'm put off by the odd spacing of the words. Personally, it makes writing weaker, not creepier.

Overall, a smart story. Perhaps the juxtaposition could be twisted even more to make it truly funny - Honestly, I didn't even blink, never mind smile.
But that's not constructive!

.M
Reply
:iconforestofairies:
~ForestoFairies Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Now my poor english ('miserable' someone could say) fails, and I have absolutely to ask you a favour:

Could you explain me what do you mean when you say:
"Perhaps it's your style, but I'm put off by the odd spacing of the words. Personally, it makes writing weaker, not creepier." ?

Are you talking about the physical space between the words?

And what could you suggest to improve the writings in this sense?

Thank you so much for your past and future constructive comments (even if you were too lazy to write 3 times 'applause'... Lol),
Reply
:iconthe-madder:
~The-Madder Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
x3 is symbolism.

I mean,when you type like this.it puts me off when things are typed like this. Yes,physical typing.

Space words normally. Simple.

.M
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